We went walking around Cornwall Park today. It was grey. Time feels scarce. I promised to keep an eye on the crows an the ghost tree. My father asked me what my vision for the future was, what I wanted to do with my life.
Guilt. I didn’t have an answer and I didn’t know what to say. It couldn’t tell him that this was taking up my whole life. That this is what I was trying to do well right now.
He has a token to carry in his pocket. It has a rough relief on one side and smooth on the other. The concept of him having a coin in his pocket that would remind him that when he is sad, depressed, frustrated, worried, etc. that he should hold the coin like a worry stone and make a conscious attempt to switch his perspective from the aforementioned to gratitude, love, present moment thinking.
i.e I can’t remember which drawer the silverware is in…..I’m frustrated and scared it will get worse…..switch….The trees in the back yard are so pretty this time of year. I love how warm and cozy our kitchen is.
It’s not in any way to represent angels or heaven, but more to illustrate the two sides of the tokan and the possibility of finding some levity in the blank space of his mind.
For two weeks my Dad has been excited that I am stepping away from school after Winter Quarter. That I will have more time at home after March.
Today we talked on the phone, he had forgotten about school.
He said he was having a hard time keeping thoughts straight today.